over the moon

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” - Mahatma Gandhi 

I am not sad, but I don't think I'm entirely happy either. Maybe it's a side-effect of the laziness, maybe I have a pessimist alter-ego. All in all, I am not sad, but I don't think I'm entirely happy either. I feel nostalgic for the days where I could feel the happiness trying to burst me to pieces. I remember how it felt, but I don't know how it feels anymore. How does happiness feel(to me)? It's like that sensation your stomach gets when you're on a drop tower at the local amusement park and it's about to drop for the first time after all the anticipation of going upwards. Someone you love hanging out with but can't see often, tickling the living hell out of you. Not knowing if your heart is to the left or the right then remembering it just leans into the left and putting your hand in the middle of your chest and not to the left where 'it is' during an anthem would look goofy. The chills of that first jump into a pool on a hot summer day, or any day for that matter. Being included in an actual conversation that actually interests you with your family, not just insults or to-do's. Having a Disney movie marathon with the ones you haven't seen since you were six. Uncontrollably smiling for no reason. Laughing even when alone. Happiness makes you look at everything with so much clarity and reassurance of the positiveness and joyfulness in that precise moment. One can be glad, and cheerful and jolly all the time. But true happiness is earned.

I long for happiness. I wish for it to come my way.

I am not sad, but I'm not entirely happy either.

Sincerly yours,

-gc(v)